Why Is Your Ex Contacting You (If They Don't Want You Back) (2024)

FAQs

When you reach out to an ex and they don't respond? ›

If you don't hear back, it could mean they've decided that going “no contact” — which typically lasts for about 30 days — is the best way to move on. Spira suggests waiting those full 30 days before sending a follow-up text if the breakup was bad or recent.

Be casual and polite to keep things friendly.

Try not to immediately dive into questions or beg them to get back together with you. Instead, reply to their message like you would anyone else. This can help foster a casual relationship with your ex, which is great if you want to be friends with them.

In some situations, especially if you're doing your best to move on, it may be best to create distance and ignore text messages for your ex. In other cases, you may need to respond due to certain assets, shared children, pets, etc. It's ultimately up to you if you think you should respond to their text message or not.

Probably he wants to feel light and find his mental peace by connecting with you and maybe even arguing with you. When keeping quiet on things becomes tough, this is their preferred way of sailing through the rough phase. Loneliness can be another major reason behind his urge to text you.

If your ex is texting and you have moved on, it's best to be clear with them. It is okay to respond to a text from an ex occasionally, but you need to clarify that you are in a relationship with someone new and are happy (if you are, in fact, in a relationship and content).

A neutral response

Neutral response: “Hi. I hope you're doing well. It's been a while since we talked. Tell me about what you've been doing in the last couple of weeks.”

When an ex wants you back but won't admit it, they will constantly seek your attention and validation. If they have a greater ego, they might be holding on to past pain. If your ex wants you back, they will ask for your advice and attention, and will try to give you their attention in return.

Here's another term to know: breadcrumbing. Someone who breadcrumbs leads you on by dropping small morsels of interest — an occasional message, phone call, date plan, or social media interaction. These happen sporadically and usually don't have any followthrough.

How Long Before You Should Talk To Your Ex After A Breakup? You may want to wait at least 30 days before you speak to your ex after a breakup. You might wait longer if you were together for a few years or more and broke up. Often, a few months to a year can be a suitable amount of time to wait for many individuals.

Why is my ex checking up on me? ›

Your Ex Is Curious

They may wonder how you're handling the breakup, if you have life in order, and perhaps most commonly, if you're available. If your ex is interested in getting back together, they'll likely use this information to gauge your level of attraction and decide on their next move with more certainty.

Distancing yourself from your ex gives you space to explore your emotions, gives you the time to process the hurt, gives you perspective, and more, which eventually allows you to move on from the heartbreak. Forget what guys feel when their ex ignores them or what anyone feels when they are cut off by their ex.

They might hug you, kiss your check or display other types of physical affection to show that they care. If they are still very emotional about the breakup, they might also look down, avoid eye contact or even cry. Their feelings may show in their actions.

Constant texting could be considered as harassment and you may be able to press charges. You can also contact your cell provider to see if the messages can be blocked. A letter from an attorney may help stop the texting as well.

Some people may think that ignoring your ex is the best revenge. This allows them to wonder about you since they don't see you checking up on them, and you may be fine without them. In general terms, having no contact at all for at least 30 days after a breakup can give ignoring your ex the best chance at working.

The very fact that your ex has reached out to you (texts, emails, snaps, or calls) probably means that your no contact has been able to make your ex miss you and they are interested in getting back together – at least to some degree. Assume that your ex wants to see you.

Does my ex miss me even though we don't talk? ›

It's unlikely that an ex will forget about you, even if you don't communicate with them after the breakup. Relationships tend to make an large emotional impact on both people involved, so it's likely your ex will remember you and the relationship even after the breakup.

If you were with someone for a while then you moved on, your partner might do something called breadcrumbing. This can happen outside of romantic relationships as well. It's a manipulation tactic. It's a way to influence you to continue thinking about them so that they have some level of control over your life.

Breadcrumbing is when a person gives someone just enough attention to "string them along." The purpose of breadcrumbing for a narcissist is to give them an ego boost. Responding to breadcrumbing signals that one is available for "narcissistic supply."

What Is Breadcrumbing? Breadcrumbing is an online dating term referring to the periodic messages someone will send another person, leading the recipient to believe a relationship might form when it most likely will not.

Regardless of the nature of your question, know that ex-couples getting back together after a breakup are more common. Some couples may get back after a few weeks or months, while others go apart only to find a way to be together after years of living separately.

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

Not reaching out to them, as you should do while following the No Contact Rule, means you don't initiate contact with your ex. Ignoring them means that you don't respond when your ex attempts to initiate contact. Don't ignore your ex if they contact you during no contact if you want them back.

Your ex could be texting you out of the blue to see if you still like them. This is good if they feel the same way and want to rekindle a relationship, and bad if they are just using you for an ego boost.

Sullivan explained that an ex reminiscing about the past is usually another sign they're wanting to try things again. Casually mentioning a memory the two of you shared or something you experienced together is their way of reminding you of the good times you had.

Should you avoid texting your ex? ›

If you have been dumped, there are problems to texting your ex when trying to get them back that you need to know about. You can mess things up terribly by texting so it's best to avoid it if at all possible if you are trying to get your ex back. In fact, simply not doing it can cause your ex to come back to you.

Although it may take your ex to show any signs he knows he hurt you, it does eventually happen especially if you were his source of comfort and happiness. If your man realizes that romantic relationship because of shortcomings or unacceptable behavior from his end, he will regret it.

You need to know yourself and respect your personal timing," Walfish says. Try dating again when you're ready, and in the meantime, it's fine to stay in touch with your ex via text; just make sure they aren't rejecting you or causing you any pain.

There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.

Silence speaks volumes

The best revenge is no reaction. Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in.

One of the telltale signs he is hurt after the breakup is if he can't stop talking to you. Indeed, he knows you guys have broken up, but letting go is hard for him. He will text you, call to ask about your work and friends, or look for an excuse to hear your voice. These signs mean he cannot accept your separation.

What Makes An Ex Come Back? Your ex might return for various reasons. For example, they could miss you, still feel in love, or want to work on the conflicts that ended the relationship. In other cases, they might feel lonely, don't want to take responsibility for their actions or feel the breakup wasn't permanent.

Your ex might not be responding to you because they're short on time, they have too much emotional baggage, or because your message just wasn't interesting enough for them. Either way, these four things will help ensure that your ex responds to you: Complete the no contact rule before reaching out to your ex.

If your ex is ignoring you, it could be because they're just trying not to give away mixed signals or bring up things from the breakup that are better left unsaid. Or they could also be sensitive to anything that you might bring up yourself and may be protecting themselves from any more hurt feelings.

How do you know if your ex will never talk to you again? ›

They might change their number, block you on all social media platforms, or block your calls and messages. They make every possible effort to not be available for you. If this happens for quite some time, it's a clear sign that they are not interested in contacting you or being contacted by you.

There are two main reasons why an ex might refuse to talk to you: They are hurt from the breakup. They want to win the breakup.

Being ignored by your ex does hurt. Not only that, but it also carries tangible and unrelenting consequences. It lowers self-esteem, makes you more prone to misery, anxiety, and depression, and obstructs or even prevents you from getting closure.

It simply means your ex needs a little break. If your ex has not blocked you yet, there is a pretty much chance they will do it as soon as you will try to contact them. Most people block each other after a breakup because they don't want to stay connected any more.

You should begin to heal

Something else to consider regarding why ignoring your ex is powerful is that it can provide you with time to heal. If there are things about the relationship that you need to get over, including moving past your breakup, you will have the opportunity to do just that.

After a relationship ends, it is usually wisest to avoid communication with your ex in order to let the wounds heal and start positioning yourself to meet someone better for you. Delaying gratification during this transitional period will result in rewards later, including the ability to move on!

Zero effort

Just being in a relationship or marriage isn't enough. If your partner kept forgetting your anniversaries, take you for granted, didn't take any initiative, didn't appreciate your efforts, and made you feel bad more often than not, this lack of effort is a clear sign that your ex never loved you.