Why Is Your Ex Contacting You (If They Don't Want You Back) (2023)


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It can be very confusing when you've been broken up with, yet your ex starts to contact you after a period of not hearing from them or they stay in contact. What do they want?

Dating/relationship expert Lucia reveals the many reasons why your ex wants to stay in touch.

Lucia is an internationally known dating/relationship expert, author of "Lucia's Lessons of Love", former host of "The Art of Love" TV and radio shows, a syndicated columnist and keynote speaker.

She has over 100 major national and international TV and radio credits including Dr. Phil, The Tyra Banks Show, E! Entertainment, 60 Minutes Australia, The CBS Early Show, ABC 7 News, Good Day L.A and the KTLA News.

Lucia has been interviewed by numerous publications including Details, Business Week, Allure, Elle and media from Italy, France, Germany, Canada, Japan, the UK, Australia, Azerbaijan, Chile and Denmark

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Hi this is Lucia with the art of love I'm, a dating and relationship expert specializing and helping you get your ex back today's topic is why is your ex contacting you, but not trying to get back together? Oh, it can be a very confusing situation after a breakup, you've decided to do no contact.

And yet your ex reaches out.

Maybe you respond.

Maybe you don't, and they may keep reaching out.

But why? Well that is the million-dollar question and I'm going to answer that, but first I'm going to remind you to be sure to subscribe if you haven't already.

So you don't, miss out on any future videos while you're at it tap the bell icon, so you'll be notified.

When a new video is up and be sure to follow me on instagram at Lucia D.

And that is spelt, Luc, IA.



So why is your ex contacting you after the breakup? Do they want to get back together? That's, probably your first thought and hope? Well, maybe, but the only way to know for sure is if a they want to see you and B, they actually say it.

But what if they're not trying to meet up, or if you do meet up once twice, several times, but they don't want to get back together, or they don't mention anything about getting back.

Why are they reaching out and staying in touch? Well, it could be as usual.

Many reasons besides getting back together.

The fact that they're contacting, you means they want something people don't do things without a payoff.

But what do they want? Well it's going to be up to you to figure it out or up to me to figure it out if we do a coaching session, you just have to wait.

And the reason will eventually become evident as long as you're, not obscuring, the vision with your desires to get back together, keep your eyes open.

Often if it's a guy, he will just want sex.

Yeah, I know, you didn't want to hear that maybe he hasn't found someone else yet, or he is seeing someone but enjoyed sex with you.

However, do not think that having sex is going to bring him back if only it was that.

Easy the part of the brain, which falls in love is not the same part, which wants to have sex.

So you are basically barking up the wrong tree.

So do not have sex until you are officially back together if you're trying to get your ex back.

It could be for an ego boost the fact that you're still willing to deal with them, even though they broke up with you or things, aren't going well and talking with, you makes them feel better.

But you have to ask yourself, does it make you feel better? It could be that they want someone to talk to maybe they're lonely, maybe they're bored.

So they hit you up.

But again, what do you get out of it? It's easier for them to get over the break-up? If they're in touch with you, even though they want it to end things, it's still painful for them.

So they reach out whenever they feel down.

Another reason could be that they feel guilty.

They know, you're upset, and they don't want to feel like a jerk or a jerk yet.

So they keep in touch thinking, they're, helping you to deal with the break-up by being there for you.

But meanwhile, they may be dating someone else, and you may not even know it, maybe they try to replace you.

And it didn't work since there is only one of you and that's your superpower so they're, trying to sneak back in mm-hmm, without you noticing without asking and they'll do things such as liking your posts, watching your stories, etc.

And these actions in and of themselves may or may not mean something, but it may possibly mean that they're trying to get you to each up to them.

They have too much pride to contact you, but do not fall for it.

It could also be.

You were good friends to begin with either before you started dating, or while you were dating, and you get on great as friends.

So you're easy to talk to you understand them and know them on a level that most people don't.

So they want to keep on talking.

But again, are you just getting your hopes up for no reason? Another reason and you're, not gonna like this? One is has a backup if they're not 100% sure about the breakup, they may want to still keep in contact in case.

They decide that they made a mistake and want to get back together.

So they keep in touch, but don't want to see you, or if they do see you, they don't talk about getting back together, but they just want to keep you around so that you don't move on, I know, but here's the thing at the end of the day, if you want them back, and they somehow got you to break no contact by responding to them.

Maybe they left a message that made you think that there was hope and that they do want to get back together.

If you see that they're not trying to meet up with you sooner rather than later, and even if they do, they either try to have sex with you, or they don't mention anything about getting back together.

Then you need to let them know, you're not going to be in contact with them on a casual basis and not to reach out to you again, unless they want to get back together.

Don't let the contact with them go on for too long, thinking, Oh any day now, they'll want to meet up if they don't mention it when they first talk or the second time that you guys talk, then you need to ask straight out.

Why are you contacting me? Let them know that you are not gonna be there for them you're, not interested in being friends, or a booty call, otherwise they'll be getting what they want.

But you will not be getting what you want, which is your ex back so I would like to hear from you.

Let me know other reasons that you've found in the past that an ex wanted to keep in touch.

And you can post that in the comments below.

But in the meantime, if you would like my help personally to get your ex back, you can contact me at the art of love net.

The direct link is below if you're listening on youtube, remember to Like and subscribe.

And most importantly, please share this video people make so many mistakes when they're trying to get an ex back so help them just as I've helped you by liking and sharing if you're listening on iTunes I would appreciate if you would rate and review the podcast.

And finally, remember that love inspires empowers, uplifts and enlightens.


When you reach out to an ex and they don't respond? ›

If you don't hear back, it could mean they've decided that going “no contact” — which typically lasts for about 30 days — is the best way to move on. Spira suggests waiting those full 30 days before sending a follow-up text if the breakup was bad or recent.

How do you respond to an ex who keeps reaching out? ›

Be casual and polite to keep things friendly.

Try not to immediately dive into questions or beg them to get back together with you. Instead, reply to their message like you would anyone else. This can help foster a casual relationship with your ex, which is great if you want to be friends with them.

Should you respond if your ex messages you? ›

In some situations, especially if you're doing your best to move on, it may be best to create distance and ignore text messages for your ex. In other cases, you may need to respond due to certain assets, shared children, pets, etc. It's ultimately up to you if you think you should respond to their text message or not.

What does it mean when an ex keeps contacting you? ›

Probably he wants to feel light and find his mental peace by connecting with you and maybe even arguing with you. When keeping quiet on things becomes tough, this is their preferred way of sailing through the rough phase. Loneliness can be another major reason behind his urge to text you.

Should I respond to my ex who won't stop texting? ›

If your ex is texting and you have moved on, it's best to be clear with them. It is okay to respond to a text from an ex occasionally, but you need to clarify that you are in a relationship with someone new and are happy (if you are, in fact, in a relationship and content).

How do you respond when your ex texts you after no contact? ›

A neutral response

Neutral response: “Hi. I hope you're doing well. It's been a while since we talked. Tell me about what you've been doing in the last couple of weeks.”

How do you know if your ex wants you back but won t admit it? ›

When an ex wants you back but won't admit it, they will constantly seek your attention and validation. If they have a greater ego, they might be holding on to past pain. If your ex wants you back, they will ask for your advice and attention, and will try to give you their attention in return.

What is Breadcrumbing after a breakup? ›

Here's another term to know: breadcrumbing. Someone who breadcrumbs leads you on by dropping small morsels of interest — an occasional message, phone call, date plan, or social media interaction. These happen sporadically and usually don't have any followthrough.

How much time should you give an ex before reaching out? ›

How Long Before You Should Talk To Your Ex After A Breakup? You may want to wait at least 30 days before you speak to your ex after a breakup. You might wait longer if you were together for a few years or more and broke up. Often, a few months to a year can be a suitable amount of time to wait for many individuals.

How do you react when your ex texts you? ›

Hey, Stranger: 4 Things to Do When Your Ex Texts You (and One Thing Not to Do)
  1. Phone a Friend to Jog Your Memory. ...
  2. Trust Your Gut. ...
  3. Look Beyond the Words on the Screen. ...
  4. Practice Restraint When an Ex Texts. ...
  5. Never Feel Obligated if It Doesn't Serve You.
Dec 8, 2019

Why is my ex checking up on me? ›

Your Ex Is Curious

They may wonder how you're handling the breakup, if you have life in order, and perhaps most commonly, if you're available. If your ex is interested in getting back together, they'll likely use this information to gauge your level of attraction and decide on their next move with more certainty.

What not to say when texting your ex? ›

10 things you should never text your ex
  • One-word texts. ...
  • Terms of endearment or flirty emoticons. ...
  • Resentful rants. ...
  • “Why didn't you text me back?” “Did you get my message?” ...
  • Relationship talk. ...
  • Booty-call requests. ...
  • “Thinking of you.” ...
  • Desperate apologies and pleading.
Mar 27, 2013

Why ignoring your ex is powerful? ›

Distancing yourself from your ex gives you space to explore your emotions, gives you the time to process the hurt, gives you perspective, and more, which eventually allows you to move on from the heartbreak. Forget what guys feel when their ex ignores them or what anyone feels when they are cut off by their ex.

How do you know if your ex is serious? ›

21 Sureshot Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
  1. They Often Contact You. ...
  2. They Try To Share Their Present Life Updates With You. ...
  3. They Show Subtle Jealousy. ...
  4. They Try To Make You Jealous. ...
  5. They Want To Be Friends With You. ...
  6. They Wish To Meet You. ...
  7. They Find Excuses To Talk To You. ...
  8. They Remember Your Important Days And Text You.
Nov 17, 2022

How do you know if your ex cares? ›

They might hug you, kiss your check or display other types of physical affection to show that they care. If they are still very emotional about the breakup, they might also look down, avoid eye contact or even cry. Their feelings may show in their actions.

What does it mean when your ex won't stop texting you? ›

Constant texting could be considered as harassment and you may be able to press charges. You can also contact your cell provider to see if the messages can be blocked. A letter from an attorney may help stop the texting as well.

What to do when you cant stop texting your ex? ›

Here are a few ways you can learn to stop texting your ex for good.
  1. Recognize why you want to text your ex. ...
  2. Acknowledge why you need to stop. ...
  3. Delete their number. ...
  4. Distract yourself, and preferably, break a sweat. ...
  5. Reconnect with your friends. ...
  6. Don't drink and text. ...
  7. Enlist technological help. ...
  8. Give it time.
Jul 18, 2018

Will ignoring my ex work? ›

Some people may think that ignoring your ex is the best revenge. This allows them to wonder about you since they don't see you checking up on them, and you may be fine without them. In general terms, having no contact at all for at least 30 days after a breakup can give ignoring your ex the best chance at working.

Why does my ex keep texting me during no contact? ›

The very fact that your ex has reached out to you (texts, emails, snaps, or calls) probably means that your no contact has been able to make your ex miss you and they are interested in getting back together – at least to some degree. Assume that your ex wants to see you.

How do you know if your ex regrets breaking up? ›

  • Jan 26, 2023. 10 signs your ex regrets breaking up with you. ...
  • Reaching out to you. If your ex regrets dumping you, they will try to reach out to you frequently, either through text or social media. ...
  • Effort to meet. ...
  • Expression of regret. ...
  • The mutual friends. ...
  • Jealousy. ...
  • Efforts to look good. ...
  • Contact you.
Jan 26, 2023

Does my ex miss me even though we don't talk? ›

It's unlikely that an ex will forget about you, even if you don't communicate with them after the breakup. Relationships tend to make an large emotional impact on both people involved, so it's likely your ex will remember you and the relationship even after the breakup.

What is a manipulative behavior after a breakup? ›

If you were with someone for a while then you moved on, your partner might do something called breadcrumbing. This can happen outside of romantic relationships as well. It's a manipulation tactic. It's a way to influence you to continue thinking about them so that they have some level of control over your life.

What is narcissistic Breadcrumbing? ›

Breadcrumbing is when a person gives someone just enough attention to "string them along." The purpose of breadcrumbing for a narcissist is to give them an ego boost. Responding to breadcrumbing signals that one is available for "narcissistic supply."

What are breadcrumb texts? ›

What Is Breadcrumbing? Breadcrumbing is an online dating term referring to the periodic messages someone will send another person, leading the recipient to believe a relationship might form when it most likely will not.

Can couples get back together after months apart? ›

Regardless of the nature of your question, know that ex-couples getting back together after a breakup are more common. Some couples may get back after a few weeks or months, while others go apart only to find a way to be together after years of living separately.

How long should no contact last to get back together? ›

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

Should I ignore my ex if they reach out? ›

Not reaching out to them, as you should do while following the No Contact Rule, means you don't initiate contact with your ex. Ignoring them means that you don't respond when your ex attempts to initiate contact. Don't ignore your ex if they contact you during no contact if you want them back.

Why do exes contact you out of the blue? ›

Your ex could be texting you out of the blue to see if you still like them. This is good if they feel the same way and want to rekindle a relationship, and bad if they are just using you for an ego boost.

Why is my ex reminiscing with me? ›

Sullivan explained that an ex reminiscing about the past is usually another sign they're wanting to try things again. Casually mentioning a memory the two of you shared or something you experienced together is their way of reminding you of the good times you had.

How do you know if your ex thinks about you? ›

16 signs your ex is thinking about you (and what you should do...
  • 1) When you ran into each other, he is happy to see you. ...
  • 2) He asks about you a lot. ...
  • 3) A gifted advisor reveals he's into you. ...
  • 4) He flirts with you. ...
  • 5) He comes to you for advice. ...
  • 6) He calls you often. ...
  • 7) He gives you a late-night call.
Feb 2, 2022

Should you avoid texting your ex? ›

If you have been dumped, there are problems to texting your ex when trying to get them back that you need to know about. You can mess things up terribly by texting so it's best to avoid it if at all possible if you are trying to get your ex back. In fact, simply not doing it can cause your ex to come back to you.

Will my ex ever realize how much he hurt me? ›

Although it may take your ex to show any signs he knows he hurt you, it does eventually happen especially if you were his source of comfort and happiness. If your man realizes that romantic relationship because of shortcomings or unacceptable behavior from his end, he will regret it.

Is it unhealthy to text an ex? ›

You need to know yourself and respect your personal timing," Walfish says. Try dating again when you're ready, and in the meantime, it's fine to stay in touch with your ex via text; just make sure they aren't rejecting you or causing you any pain.

Does silence hurt an ex? ›

There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.

Is silence the best revenge for an ex? ›

Silence speaks volumes

The best revenge is no reaction. Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in.

How do you make someone regret ignoring you? ›

15 tips to make him regret ignoring you
  1. Express your feelings (to him) One of the most direct ways to learn how to make him regret ignoring you is by being upfront about it. ...
  2. Get your story straight. ...
  3. Be less available. ...
  4. Spend time with friends (especially mutual friends) ...
  5. Block him. ...
  6. Pursue other options. ...
  7. Conclusion.
Mar 21, 2022

How do you know if your ex is in pain? ›

One of the telltale signs he is hurt after the breakup is if he can't stop talking to you. Indeed, he knows you guys have broken up, but letting go is hard for him. He will text you, call to ask about your work and friends, or look for an excuse to hear your voice. These signs mean he cannot accept your separation.

What makes an ex come back? ›

What Makes An Ex Come Back? Your ex might return for various reasons. For example, they could miss you, still feel in love, or want to work on the conflicts that ended the relationship. In other cases, they might feel lonely, don't want to take responsibility for their actions or feel the breakup wasn't permanent.

What does it mean when your ex doesn't respond to you? ›

Your ex might not be responding to you because they're short on time, they have too much emotional baggage, or because your message just wasn't interesting enough for them. Either way, these four things will help ensure that your ex responds to you: Complete the no contact rule before reaching out to your ex.

What does it mean when your ex ignores you? ›

If your ex is ignoring you, it could be because they're just trying not to give away mixed signals or bring up things from the breakup that are better left unsaid. Or they could also be sensitive to anything that you might bring up yourself and may be protecting themselves from any more hurt feelings.

How do you know if your ex will never talk to you again? ›

They might change their number, block you on all social media platforms, or block your calls and messages. They make every possible effort to not be available for you. If this happens for quite some time, it's a clear sign that they are not interested in contacting you or being contacted by you.

What does it mean when your ex refuses to talk to you? ›

There are two main reasons why an ex might refuse to talk to you: They are hurt from the breakup. They want to win the breakup.

Does it hurt when your ex ignores you? ›

Being ignored by your ex does hurt. Not only that, but it also carries tangible and unrelenting consequences. It lowers self-esteem, makes you more prone to misery, anxiety, and depression, and obstructs or even prevents you from getting closure.

Why is my ex ignoring me but not blocking me? ›

It simply means your ex needs a little break. If your ex has not blocked you yet, there is a pretty much chance they will do it as soon as you will try to contact them. Most people block each other after a breakup because they don't want to stay connected any more.

Why you should not ignore your ex? ›

You should begin to heal

Something else to consider regarding why ignoring your ex is powerful is that it can provide you with time to heal. If there are things about the relationship that you need to get over, including moving past your breakup, you will have the opportunity to do just that.

What to do when he reaches out after ignoring you? ›

What to do when he texts after ignoring you: 15 important tips
  1. Find out why he ignored you in the first place.
  2. Consider your feelings.
  3. Do not respond to his text immediately.
  4. Deal with your insecurities.
  5. Be sure he is not breadcrumbing you.
  6. Demand an explanation.
  7. Set boundaries and let him know your stance.
  8. Don't ignore him.
Aug 4, 2022

How do you know if your ex is coming back? ›

14 Good Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back To You
  1. They Still Prioritize You. ...
  2. You Are Still An Major Part Of Their Life. ...
  3. You Are Connected Through Social Media. ...
  4. They Are There For You. ...
  5. They Want To Spend Time With You. ...
  6. They Still Share With You First. ...
  7. They Try To Make You Happy. ...
  8. They Include You In Their Life Plans.
Jun 12, 2023

Why it's good to never talk to your ex? ›

After a relationship ends, it is usually wisest to avoid communication with your ex in order to let the wounds heal and start positioning yourself to meet someone better for you. Delaying gratification during this transitional period will result in rewards later, including the ability to move on!

How do you know your ex doesn't love you? ›

Zero effort

Just being in a relationship or marriage isn't enough. If your partner kept forgetting your anniversaries, take you for granted, didn't take any initiative, didn't appreciate your efforts, and made you feel bad more often than not, this lack of effort is a clear sign that your ex never loved you.

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